Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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