I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
