Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
