you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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