the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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