He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
