If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
