i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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