she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
