you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
