I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
