one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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