i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
