I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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