So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
A bitchslap is in order.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
