So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
