No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
