hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
