I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Randomize
