i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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