she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
