i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
