i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
