I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
