How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
