i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
