Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
