I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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