you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
