Barsexuality is the new black.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
