I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
