I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
