the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
