I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
