...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
