I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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