Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
