A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
