I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
