ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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