I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
