There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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