...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
