Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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