dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
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