I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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