I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
