Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
