Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
you had me at cake vodka
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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