I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
she pinky promised me she was 18
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
